In this article, you will learn:
Three time spaces our minds can “live” in
How focusing too much on either one of them can be detrimental
How to strike the right balance
Where do you live right now…in your head? Depending on the situation and context, our minds usually venture one of those three directions:
There’s a lot of talk nowadays about mindfulness, practicing being in the moment, letting your thoughts fly by, nurturing gratitude for the present moment. All that can be extremely useful – for certain types of people and challenges, that is.
Unpopular opinion: I believe that too much of either one of these focuses has its serious downsides, and we should be aware of these for the sake of our mental wellbeing.
Let’s have a look at some of the aspects where focusing too much on a particular “space” can be detrimental for your ability to live a balanced and fulfilling life.
Ah, these were good times…
Excessive focus on the Past is bound to bring guilt, over-analysis, sadness, ruminating, or nostalgia. Especially tricky when focusing on the tougher moments of it, or if the past moments seem better than present.
Imagine that you come at a problem with a mindset of “Ah, in the past it was so much better…” or “I should have done this back then” or “I’m not sure it was the right decision, if only I could go back in time…”. Living in the past can stop you in your tracks when you’re trying to improve your present situation.
It’s not to say it’s all bad. A little bit of the past though can be a good thing too. You can see how far you’ve come in a given space of time – what you’ve learned, what you’ve experienced, whom you’ve met. And all that life experience will be super useful to building your life today and over the coming years.
It’s good to plan ahead, no?
Surely, having a plan and thinking ahead are good things, right? Something to long for, aspire to, bringing hope and excitement for the new things to come. Also, looking ahead can allow you to take (at least partial!) steer of your life’s events. That is definitely the bright side of the Future orientation.
There is the darker side of it too, unfortunately that we rarely reflect on. How we think about the future does have an impact on our way of thinking and on our actions (or inaction) as a result of that. Tough thing about the future is that it’s one big unknown. A void that is yet to be filled. You can plan it to some extent (and if you know me, you will also know that I love planning – hellooo, project manager for a living for a reason!).
You can dream and get motivated and excited by those dreams. And yet, too frequent looks into that unknown future (which by default is full of question marks) could bring fear, worries, endless ‘what if-ing’, or catastrophizing thoughts.
It’s a good strategy to look into the future, have something to look forward to, dream big and make those dreams come true. It will be important too however to stay grounded and not to get too lost in thinking forward. After all, life happens here and now, and that future can only happen if you take action towards your dreams in the present.
Well then, mindfulness is the king!
Ok, so… too much focus on the past is bad, too much focus on the future is not good either. Surely then, all that talk about being in the present moment, take mindful steps to not let our thoughts get away and to let life happen – all that must be a great strategy.
Well… I believe that when we spend too much time in the present without referring it to the wider context of the past and future, this may strip back the sense of control we have over our lives. Of course, the control we have is not absolute – we already established that future is unpredictable and full of unknowns! Nevertheless, it’s helpful to move us forward.
For example, if you discard the past, or repress past events that had a big impact on you (“it’s in the past!”), you risk the associated feelings coming back to you in the most unexpected moments. You also deprive yourself of the opportunity to learn from these events, and turn the difficult situations into life lessons that build your character and experience.
If you appreciate and focus on the Present in a balanced way, this can help build self-confidence, self-awareness, joy of life, peace and gratitude. For that, following gratefulness and mindfulness practices can be super helpful. These tools allow you to appreciate the present and re-centre so that you can go back to your plans and shaping your life in balance.
The balance is key
In short – don’t live in any of the spaces in isolation.
A useful exercise to do in your head when you notice you’re stuck in any of the three circles more than the others, is checking with yourself: “Have you been in the other circles long enough too in a given week?”. If not, maybe it’s time to refocus to re-gain the balance?
- When you find yourself in the past – enjoy it or learn from it, but bring it back to the present moment and reflect on how the two connect.
- When you find yourself in the future – keep that open mind, dream big, plan away, but bring it back to the present. After all, the life happens right here right now, and no big plans will happen if we don’t take action in the present.
- And when you find yourself primarily in the carpe diem mode – enjoy it, recharge the energy, gather those life experiences. And then also reflect on what is within your control, what learnings you can take from the past, as well as what would you intentionally like to take your life towards.
Check out these articles as well:
D.I.V.E. in with awareness or stay confused
What do others know about me that I don’t – and why does it matter?
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