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Homepage > Psychology > Reducing the stress of moving abroad – Part 1: Freeze
September 16, 2017 In Psychology

Reducing the stress of moving abroad – Part 1: Freeze

Expat-stress-explained-projectabroad.eu

We experience stress in situations when we are faced with something challenging, where we don’t believe we’ve got enough resources to deal with it. These can be situations that are threatening, challenging or very emotional.

There are multiple stress triggers in the expat life. In the previous article – the Expat Stress Explained – we took a closer look at how stress works and saw just an overview of how you can deal with it.

Every move is different, no matter how many times you’ve done it. It might become easier on the logistical front the more you move around the world. Our mind though, although prepared for various differences, needs to deal with completely new challenges each time. Do the below sound familiar?

– remembering about a number of things to do

– having countless long To-Do lists to be completed within unrealistic deadlines

– partner and/or children hating the idea to move abroad

– you hating the idea of moving abroad but having to do that anyway

– learning new language intensely

– having to speak foreign language constantly

– feeling alone in the new location

– you actually adapting well, but your partner and/or children are not

– trying to figure out how to stay in touch with the loved ones back home/in your previous location

– other people who constantly feel like they know better what you should do

– finding a job abroad

– being surprised about how living in this country is different from your previous visits as a tourist

– and the list continues…

 

We’ll now take a closer look at the three strategies – freeze, flight and fight – in more detail so that it can help you deal with any stressors you might currently be facing. We will start with ‘freeze’.

 

Freeze and reflect

The freeze reaction is one of the most passive ones. It leaves you pretty much where you are and does not make you the owner of your life. It doesn’t actively initiate any changes. Unless you use this downtime to your advantage.

When you find yourself in a place, where you feel like the life is slipping through the fingers, where you feel like you’re losing control, where you feel like you’re not going in the right direction but it just sort of happens anyway – use this moment wisely! This is the moment of self-reflection that may help you move forward and melt the ice you got freezed in [metaphorically].

Although you will be taking actions after identifying this moment, you will not be actively changing your reality just yet (unlike if you would using active (fight) strategies). The actions you will take while “frozen” may include (but are not restricted to) the following:

Writing a journal

Describing all your current thoughts, reflections, stressors, happy moments and sad moments; you would just try to take a closer look at what is happening, why do you feel the way you feel, what you are currently doing  (if anything) to change this. Just focus on how things look or feel right now. Thanks to this you will have a great point of reference for the future and you will see how you’ve changed your approach over a year or couple of months’ period.

 Self-reflecting

Connected to the above, but with a slightly different focus. The point of just sitting down, stopping the everyday rush and flow of things that we stopped controlling is that you understand what is it that you want, what is possible and what you currently have. Again, this serves you as a reference point. You realize what you really want (vs. what others tell you you should want or do), who you really are and what your core values are.

Staying positive

It helps me out in everyday life and that’s why I want to share it with you – not because it’s just a popular concept now. Start with a positive log! Everyday write down at least one positive thing that happened (if there were more write all of them of course!). Even if your day seemed really bad and tiring, try to think of a nice thing that happened. Maybe you had a nice meal? Maybe you tried something new? Maybe you messaged a good friend? Maybe a stranger smiled at you on the street? Remember, it doesn’t need to be any massive success or project closure – that is not the point of this exercise. The point is to start noticing the good moments every single day and simply be more present in the moment.

 

If you’d like to have a moment with yourself and think about what you value, how things currently stand and prioritize this whole lot of information that comes your way – I encourage you to download the exercise book from Project Abroad’s website. A very valuable exercise, short and to the point. When you go through all four exercises, you will know where you stand and what your priorities are at the moment.

On the ‘staying positive’ note, I also recommend a very good podcast called Mindful Expat  by Dana Nelson. Definitely check it out! It talks about various struggles that expats face and provides very useful insights into how you can make the best out of the life abroad while staying true to yourself.

 

Also read the other related articles describing how stress works as well as Flight and Fight responses in more detail.

 

 

expat life healthy mind mental health psychology stress tips
Previous StoryOne thing you can do to fall in love with your city once again
Next StoryReducing the stress of moving abroad – Part 2: Flight

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Author

Marta Zielińska

Hi, my name is Marta. I am combining my psychological, business and intercultural experience to offer advice on successful living and working across cultures. I believe that everything is possible for such an ambitious and talented person as yourself! With some exercises, self-reflection and new knowledge, you can grow your cultural intelligence and build a successful international career, mind and life.

Learn more

Recent Posts

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  • 5 easy ways to overcome self-doubt after moving abroad
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Sometimes we have a toolkit full of tools already - those that we learned through experience, different courses or articles, that someone shared with us. ⁠ ⁠ But - we may not be sure how to use them in practice! Or get overwhelmed by the amount of information out there and how to make sense of it, put it all together.⁠ ⁠ Meeting with a coach can support you in choosing the best tools, reminding you how to use them, or show you a different way to use the existing resources. ⁠ ⁠ Do you feel like you technically should know how to deal with X, but you just don't know where to start? ⁠ Maybe that's your cue to reach out to me to learn more about how coaching can be helfpul 😊 ⁠ DM me the word 'COACH' and let's chat! ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ #expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
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Do you sometimes catch yourself saying or doing things that feel ‘out of character’? That may happen as a result of the internal process that’s happening between the situation occurring and that result taking place.

Good news is: you can have insight into the ‘in-between’!

This S-PACE-R tool can help you analyse how your thoughts, actions, feelings and body reactions all impact each other to produce a certain result. 

Let’s look at an example.
👉Situation: you scroll through IG and notice a post from an expat who is at a party, laughing with friends.
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👉Action: you go into the person’s profile and watch more of their posts.
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Having the self-awareness about these though can help you regain control and reframe thoughts where needed to facilitate more supportive behaviours and in turn gain better results! 

It can be difficult to work through these by yourself at first. As a coach, I can provide you with support and accountability in this process. You in? 😊 DM me.
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Do you sometimes catch yourself saying or doing things that feel ‘out of character’? That may happen as a result of the internal process that’s happening between the situation occurring and that result taking place. Good news is: you can have insight into the ‘in-between’! This S-PACE-R tool can help you analyse how your thoughts, actions, feelings and body reactions all impact each other to produce a certain result. Let’s look at an example. 👉Situation: you scroll through IG and notice a post from an expat who is at a party, laughing with friends. 👉Physical reaction: you feel a constraint in the stomach and notice your eyes watering. 👉Action: you go into the person’s profile and watch more of their posts. 👉Emotion: you feel sad because you don’t seem to be having such a rich social life abroad so far 👉Thoughts: “I’m a failure, I can’t find myself any friends here”, “This move wasn’t worth it” (These influences can go either way and can start at any point in the circle, by the way! Often, they also go on in circles and augment each other too!) 👉Result: You stay at home, soaking in your sadness, not going out, not putting yourself out there, not making friends - and proving your initial thought. You see the potential downward spiral effect here? Of course - it doesn’t need to be that way, or even as dramatic! But you’d be surprised how quickly we can notice these little interrelations in many situations in our lives. Having the self-awareness about these though can help you regain control and reframe thoughts where needed to facilitate more supportive behaviours and in turn gain better results! It can be difficult to work through these by yourself at first. As a coach, I can provide you with support and accountability in this process. You in? 😊 DM me.
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Ever wondered how your cultural background impacts your working preferences? 🧐⁠ ⁠ You hear me talk about cultural dimensions quite a bit here. I believe that understanding the drivers of our behaviour in that international context is super important to buildling confidence in working in another culture (so a slightly different focus than your MBTIs or Enneagrams etc). ⁠ ⁠ And it's not just theory and what-ifs! ⁠ ⁠ We've got a reliable tool which helps you get more insights into where you stand on ten cultural dimensions and how does it compare to the cross-cultural studies which have been conducted over the years. ⁠ ⁠ 👉️If you'd like to stop wondering and get more concrete - DM me the word 'CULTURE' and I'll share more details with you on how the assessment and your personalised report review with me work. ⁠ ⁠ The insight doesn't end just on doing the assessment and viewing results. In fact, my packages don't include just the assessment, they always come with a report review and consultation to give you the space to reflect on the results and how you can implement the insights to improve your intercultural communication at work or in personal life. ⁠ ⁠ You can read more details on the website in the 'Offer' Tab (link in bio) 😊⁠ ⁠ #expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
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Intercultural communication is mostly about YOU, not them. ⁠
There, I said it! ☝️⁠
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Why is it about you? ⁠
⁠
Well, it's not about 'them' behaving a certain way, doing things differently or weird or being hard to work with. ⁠
⁠
You can't change 'them'. BUT - - you can understand yourself in relation to the other people's way of working, and decide if you want to do something about it. ⁠
⁠
Your options are: ⁠
1️⃣ Do nothing. Keep the frustration, delay the results and progress, deepen the gap between us and them. ⁠
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2️⃣ Communicate to the other person directly to say that clearly something is not working and you find a way to work effectively together towards that same goal. ⁠
⁠
3️⃣ And better yet - C) actually go beyond just that and build your cultural awareness before that conversation, and continue with that development going forward - to understand your own values, your own cultural influences, how they relate to the challenging situation you faced. ⁠
And finally - expand your repertoire of communication strategies, so that perhaps you can adapt and increase efficiency in your work without confronting the other person at all 😉⁠
⁠
How does that sound for you? 🤔⁠
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#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
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Intercultural communication is mostly about YOU, not them. ⁠ There, I said it! ☝️⁠ ⁠ Why is it about you? ⁠ ⁠ Well, it's not about 'them' behaving a certain way, doing things differently or weird or being hard to work with. ⁠ ⁠ You can't change 'them'. BUT - - you can understand yourself in relation to the other people's way of working, and decide if you want to do something about it. ⁠ ⁠ Your options are: ⁠ 1️⃣ Do nothing. Keep the frustration, delay the results and progress, deepen the gap between us and them. ⁠ ⁠ 2️⃣ Communicate to the other person directly to say that clearly something is not working and you find a way to work effectively together towards that same goal. ⁠ ⁠ 3️⃣ And better yet - C) actually go beyond just that and build your cultural awareness before that conversation, and continue with that development going forward - to understand your own values, your own cultural influences, how they relate to the challenging situation you faced. ⁠ And finally - expand your repertoire of communication strategies, so that perhaps you can adapt and increase efficiency in your work without confronting the other person at all 😉⁠ ⁠ How does that sound for you? 🤔⁠ ⁠ #expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
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Which ones are you happy with? ⁠

Which ones would you like to develop further? ⁠

Any that you'd add to the list as key skills for people who live abroad? ⁠
⁠
⁠
#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
Which ones are you happy with? ⁠

Which ones would you like to develop further? ⁠

Any that you'd add to the list as key skills for people who live abroad? ⁠
⁠
⁠
#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
Which ones are you happy with? ⁠

Which ones would you like to develop further? ⁠

Any that you'd add to the list as key skills for people who live abroad? ⁠
⁠
⁠
#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
Which ones are you happy with? ⁠

Which ones would you like to develop further? ⁠

Any that you'd add to the list as key skills for people who live abroad? ⁠
⁠
⁠
#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
Which ones are you happy with? ⁠

Which ones would you like to develop further? ⁠

Any that you'd add to the list as key skills for people who live abroad? ⁠
⁠
⁠
#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
Which ones are you happy with? ⁠

Which ones would you like to develop further? ⁠

Any that you'd add to the list as key skills for people who live abroad? ⁠
⁠
⁠
#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
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Which ones are you happy with? ⁠ Which ones would you like to develop further? ⁠ Any that you'd add to the list as key skills for people who live abroad? ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ #expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
4 weeks ago
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It is a bit of everything everywhere all at once, would you agree? 😃😅

#expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
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It is a bit of everything everywhere all at once, would you agree? 😃😅 #expatcoaching #expatlife #livingabroad #expatcoach #workingabroad #lifeabroad #workabroad #careerabroad #internationallife #internationalcareer #globalcareer #globallife #globalleaders #culturalawareness #selfawareness #selfgrowth #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #culturalcompetence #movingabroad #zyciezagranica #zycienaemigracji #pracazagranica #rozwojosobisty #polacyzagranica
4 weeks ago
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8/9
🤷I know what I need to do, but it doesn't feel genuine! 
🤷I know they do that, but it feels so rude, I just can't get myself to do it! 
🤷I know I've got to stop myself from doing that, but it just feels unlike me not to!

The above are quotes from people I worked with. 

The 1st person, let's call her Anna, moved from Poland to the UK, and really struggled with the small talk. It's not like we don't casually chat in Poland, but it doesn't play as big of a role in building connections in professional settings. She knew she needed to engage in the chit chat, but she wasn't used to it happening so many times in a day! It didn't feel genuine or meaningful as people talked to her almost in passing.

The 2nd person, let's call her Hope, moved from Malaysia to Spain. She wasn't used to the loud and dynamic exchanges common among the Spanish. Growing up she was told not to interrupt others when they're talking - it's rude! Silence played a big part in professional conversations, showing consideration and respect to those she was interacting with. In Spain, she found herself unable to fully engage in meetings, labelled as 'the quiet one'. She saw what others were doing, she knew she had to engage differently, but it was just SO hard to get over the initial beliefs! 

The 3rd person had the opposite problem to Hope's. Diego moved from Spain to the UK, and was struggling with the feedback he started receiving, along the lines of 'he's too excitable, he interrupts others as they're talking, he's too casual'. He knew he needed to tone down his communication, be more conscious about the pace of the conversation. He was able to do it, but what he struggled with the most is that it didn't feel like the real HIM anymore. He considered moving back to Spain because of that even though the UK career opportunities were clearly better for him at the time. 

All of them had the ability to shape their behaviour differently, they knew what they needed to do. It was not the lack of knowledge that was stopping them - it was the beliefs. In our coaching meetings we worked to find their origins, untangle them, and start creating beliefs that served them better in their new lives abroad.
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🤷I know what I need to do, but it doesn't feel genuine! 🤷I know they do that, but it feels so rude, I just can't get myself to do it! 🤷I know I've got to stop myself from doing that, but it just feels unlike me not to! The above are quotes from people I worked with. The 1st person, let's call her Anna, moved from Poland to the UK, and really struggled with the small talk. It's not like we don't casually chat in Poland, but it doesn't play as big of a role in building connections in professional settings. She knew she needed to engage in the chit chat, but she wasn't used to it happening so many times in a day! It didn't feel genuine or meaningful as people talked to her almost in passing. The 2nd person, let's call her Hope, moved from Malaysia to Spain. She wasn't used to the loud and dynamic exchanges common among the Spanish. Growing up she was told not to interrupt others when they're talking - it's rude! Silence played a big part in professional conversations, showing consideration and respect to those she was interacting with. In Spain, she found herself unable to fully engage in meetings, labelled as 'the quiet one'. She saw what others were doing, she knew she had to engage differently, but it was just SO hard to get over the initial beliefs! The 3rd person had the opposite problem to Hope's. Diego moved from Spain to the UK, and was struggling with the feedback he started receiving, along the lines of 'he's too excitable, he interrupts others as they're talking, he's too casual'. He knew he needed to tone down his communication, be more conscious about the pace of the conversation. He was able to do it, but what he struggled with the most is that it didn't feel like the real HIM anymore. He considered moving back to Spain because of that even though the UK career opportunities were clearly better for him at the time. All of them had the ability to shape their behaviour differently, they knew what they needed to do. It was not the lack of knowledge that was stopping them - it was the beliefs. In our coaching meetings we worked to find their origins, untangle them, and start creating beliefs that served them better in their new lives abroad.
1 month ago
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